pat;tripa : D

2007-05-31T12:25:00.000+08:00

hello pat.

2006-12-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

Okay, I'm not posting here anymore till I get bored of xanga.
Haha, goodbye blogger ):
& HELLO XANGA :D

2006-12-20T18:01:00.000+08:00

I want to waste my time with you :D

Oh yay! I finally got in.
Go here for my xanga site in case Blogger screws up again.

Okay, weird.

2006-12-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

Argh, fuck. I hate you bitch.

Life - 4 simple letters, yet so complicated.
Love - 4 simple letters, yet so confusing.
Destiny - 7 simple letters, yet so unpredictable.
Feelings - 8 simple letters, yet so unexplainable.
Words - 5 simple letters, yet there aren't enough to express.
Regrets - 7 simple letters, yet they never seem to disappear.
Silence - 7 simple letters, yet it can be so deafening.
Time - 4 simple letters, yet there is never enough.
Sadness - 7 simple letters, yet it lingers everywhere.
Pain - 4 simple letters, yet it takes so long to heal.
Mistakes - 8 simple letters, yet they can never be erased.
Beauty - 6 simple letters, yet so hard to see.
Hope - 4 simple letters, yet so unreachable.
You - 3 simple letters, yet it means everything.

Have you ever wanted to ask a question but you didn't 'cause you knew your heart wouldn't be able to handle the answer?

2006-12-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

Haha, JAIME! I'm online now! Where are you?!

People ask me why is it so hard to trust people, & I ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise.

2006-12-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

hello!
you're STILL not online!
when you're supposed to!
wait, let me check before i bang.

YES!
you are NOT online!
COME ONLINE NOWWWWW):

2006-12-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

I'll never forget what you did to me, but I'll never let you know I remember.

I'M BACK :D
today was really fun,
no pretendingfakehappy.
Summary again(:
J8, Shilin Chicken, Sugar Cane Juice, Bus-Stop, Camwhoring, Shuttle Bus, Club, Bowling(HAHA), Pool, Fries, Swimming(Nicenice Slide!), Suana, Powder Room, More Pool & Home :D
Tuesdate? <3!

I wish I could go somewhere deserted & scream the pain away,

2006-12-12T11:39:00.000+08:00

like HELLO!?!?!
come online NOW.
why are you NOT online!
you SUPPOSED to be ONLINE NOW.
yes.
COME ONLINE NOW.

2006-12-10T18:54:00.000+08:00

Dear SANTA,

All I want for christmas is( the list ain't as long as last year's but :D) :

+ BIG shades :D
+ pigletpigletpiglet stuffed toy <3!
+ a comfy off-shoulder top [any colour(:]
+ hannah montana's soundtrack :D
+ what I wish for every single day of my life but yet never comes true.
+ black adidas jacket.
+ I don't mind VOUCHERS : D
+ a garaunteed-lose-10kg-in-a-week-diet-plan :D
+ striped black-and-white scarf
+ money for shopping spree :DD [ god, I'm so materialistic ]
+ black leather cuffs :D ooh lala
+ that heart pendant from Perlini's Silver (:
+ halter top
+ my SECRET from tyannechooshawei :D
+ more twin conversations :D
+ alotalotalotalot of toys for my brother to play with :D
+ books(: like maybe archiecomics. HAHA
+ brown/black sneakers
+ denim miniskirt.

I know you'll read this Mr Santa :D Please grant some of them? Sorry for being materialistic & I hope I'm not on your list of naughty children this year like I am every other year. I tried to be good :D Thank you Santa!

Love;
PAT

2006-12-10T11:00:00.000+08:00

When I die, I'll be fine 'cause I know you're always there.

Boulders by New Found Glory.

I feel locked away
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
crushing on my head are boulders
made of lies and dust from all of us

what of the bonds we've made
that have started to fade
we can't control the time
but right now I'll take what I can get out of my life

medicate me again
so I fall away
medicate me now
so I fall away

I feel torn between
two different sides of an opinion
don't know what state I've been in
don't believe in trust, for only one of us

what of the progress made
that night we all forgave
it was a thought out crime
but you should take what you can get out of this life

medicate me again
so I fall away
medicate me now
so I fall away

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
both right around me

I'll dream of you while I'm asleep at night so nobody will know.

SHOPSHOPSHOPPING SOON :D
tomorrow in fact! & it's the last training till the 27th tomorrow :D
I'll be back on thursday/friday to go on a date with The Four(:

2006-12-08T20:14:00.000+08:00

Summary of today, 081206.

Training, 20 Rounds, Basketball Friendly Match, Showers, Lousy(Best) Aiming of Shampoo Bottle, Pervetic Celine, MOS, Friendship Band, Pictures in Neoprint Booth, Perlini's Silver, Zara(s), More Pictures, Tube-Top&Other Glam Tops, Shilin Chicken, Sweet&Cute&Naughty Brother, Home, TYANNE&DEWI :D

Remember in kindergarten, where it would be your first day & you would meet someone new and ten minutes later you'd be playing like best friends? That was 'cause back then, you didn't have to pretend to be anyone but yourself.
It's just so unfair. Why does everything I want she has? I don't hate her, seriously. But I don't understand why even the misfortunes I want it ends up happening on her.

2006-12-08T17:12:00.000+08:00

HELLO HELLO HELLO!

this is dewi at PAT'S house now. (:
hahaha. tyanne is currently BULLYING her 2 year old brother.
TSKTSK.
hahahaha.
he's trying to lift up tyanne's shirt now. HAHA.

wah, her keyboard's so difficult to type with.
don't want to type already.
OH. he's crying now.
he fell down.
i think he ran into her sofa. HAHA.

2006-12-07T12:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday 061206 was a VERYVERYVERY special day!
And tomorrow 081206 will be a SUPERFUN day 'cause it'll be spent with TYANNE & DEWI! :D
Whoops! I mean, DILLY DEWI & TILLY TYANNE!
Lalala, splashsplash dewi! hahaha :D
TOWEL TYANNE! Ooh la la, I made an alliteration without even thinking!
Ms Art Pat! :D

Haha, I bet my post makes no sense!

2006-12-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

It's crazy how you think you actually meant something to someone, & they just turn around and prove you wrong.

My daddy was a Santa Claus at this American school & two incidents he described were unforgettable.

This boy, age 5 or 6, went up to him and sat on his lap, telling him toys & stuff he wanted for christmas. After photo taking with 'Santa Claus' a.k.a my daddy, he went to collect the photo & for some unknown reason, he started bawling his lungs out. Big heartrending sobs & so on. My daddy went over to find out what happened, the boy turned his tear-stained face towards him and said 'I haven't finished telling Santa what I want for Christmas!'. So my daddy let him sit on his lap while the boy finished telling him what he wanted. It took like a whole fifteen minutes for the list to end. Imagine the tragedy that'll happen if the boy went home & realised he forgot to add one more item on that impossibly long list of 'wants' of his. Hilarious.

Another incident was one where this Indian girl wanted just one thing for christmas. She told 'Santa' to help her be a doctor. 'Why do you want to be a doctor?' 'Because I want to help my older sister.' It turned out that her sister, two years older, has some illness(don't ask me what, I'm not the doctor). Touching.

One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something that you once thought was unquestionable.

2006-12-04T22:09:00.000+08:00

Happy 15th Birthday Chewy! :D

Haha, I hope you had fun today(:

'I mean, how much trouble are kids anyway?
All we ever do is spread joy.'
Haha, hilarious :D
Isn't it weird the way that, when you're not talking to your parents, it just hangs over your head like a drizzly gray cloud? Even when you're laughing and having fun with your friends, there's always something in the back of your mind about life that's not quite right. Haha, but I swear I'd never feel this way about my sister a.k.a bitch. She can competely disappear from my life for all I care.
Oh yay! I'm gonna get two weeks of break from training, I think&hope. Haha, there goes my weight-loss plan. D:

OH OH! Welcome Back TyanneChooShaWei! :D Lots of hothothot stuff! Haha!

I'm tired of always being second, third or even fourth best to everyone & everything. I'm tired of always being the substitute friend. I'm tired of always taking the initiative to talk to someone or make things up. I'm tired of always pretending I don't care. I'm tired of this & that. Seriously, whatever already. Go away & stop bothering me, I'm too tired to entertain & encourage you anymore. It's only when you need me or when you have no one to tell your fucking boy details to, you talk to me. Find someone else who's just as gullible, as dumb & as trusting as me. Or maybe even more.
I don't care.
If your life was as fucked up as mine, you wouldn't care either.

2006-12-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

I'm trying really hard not to cry 'cause every tear reminds me that I can't let go.

Remember when you were about five the really 'in' games to play were hide&seek or catching. 'Tag! You're it!' Haha, those days were fun & best of all, everyone had a 'bestfriend' or maybe more. Secrets galore; Slumber parties & just plain innocent sweet times :D But who ever thought that certain incidents happen during our childhood can really affect us for a lifetime. For example, I remember playing hide&seek with my sister and cousin. Since I was the oldest, I got to be the 'hider' while both of them were the 'seekers'. Being oh-so-smart then(or so I thought), I hid under this super thick blanket, completely forgetting the fact that they could see a HUGE bump(Hello? I was only five or six!). And being brats, instead of pulling the blanket off me, they JUMPED on me & didn't let me come out. Okay, I know they were young & were just playing, but I was seriously suffocating under the blanket. I can still remember the fear I felt. I tried pushing them off me, I was practically kicking and screaming but they just didn't get the point. I was crying so badly I couldn't breathe properly then my mother came running. Luckily she came 'cause I gave up fighting(I mean, how long can a five/six-year old remain screaming & kicking?). I'm never hiding under any blankets in my entire life. Childhood fears.
The day I left it all, my school; my friends; my freedom & my home to go to a totally different country, it was as though I was leaving my childhood behind. My first impression of this entirely new country was, 'Ooh lala, nice&cool airport! (then I stepped into the carpark) Whoa, it's freaking hot&humid!' Okay, maybe not exactly but along those lines anyway. Oh well, I miss the endless fields & bigbig houses. I miss the sunny beach with its vast oceans. I miss the ten minute walk to school every morning. I miss the shopping mall behind my house. I miss the games period in my former school. I miss my best friend & our first 'crush' :D Lalala, I should end now or I'm gonna cry. HAHA.

Someday I swear I'll be back.

2006-12-02T14:45:00.000+08:00

Je t'aime

Haha, Janice said we're alive 'cause it's to pay back all your sins from your past life & to experience stuff you didn't in your past life. This proves that your past is meant to haunt you forever, even in your next life. It's ironic 'cause people never fail to ask you to let go, let go of all the hurt & pain but if our past memories will always remain with us, letting go won't make much of a difference. And if we're to experience stuff we didn't in our past life, we shouldn't hesitate to make new memories & experiences since it's destined for us to do so. Life is full of risks so take one 'cause you don't know what will happen if you don't :D
Jaime got FIRST for her ice skating competition! Congratulations! :D
Happy confirmation to THONGS & JAMIE! :D

Lalala, byebye(:

2006-12-01T14:36:00.000+08:00

Whoa, it's December already. The last month of the year & Christmas is coming up :D And New Year too. It's amazing how fast we zoomed through this year. Alot, & I mean ALOT, of changes were made this year, for the better or worse I don't know. Charmaine agrees too, right? Oh well, I've learnt my lesson, or maybe lessons, cruelly & harshly. Lalala, but I'd learn it all over again to go through this year one more time to savour all those precious memories :D Even though this year had more downs than ups, but the memories will last forever! my sweet fantasy. I doubt I'd ever be good enough though. Haha, random, but I want that soft, cuddly piglet at 'More Than Words'! (:
Moving on to Sec 4 next year is so gonna be scary I swear. Self-awareness camp; Last competitions; Revision, revision & more revision; O levels; Grad night & Goodbyes. Oh and of course, Sweet Sixteen :D Butbutbut, remember our bet BET? Haha, oh well. I'm dreading next year, as in seriously. What happened to the first day of school? The day when we entered nursery/kindergarten for the first time. It seems like yesterday since I first stepped into a school, but yet so far away. Haha, I should stop being so retarded. I think it's 'cause I'm super tired now & not 'cause I naturally am retarded. Yeah, like duh. Oh & charmaine chew xin ying, I'm NOT a bimbo okay. No one in their right minds would call me one. Only you, haha, lousy! Oh oh, stop 'stop t-s-king me' us. Haha, that so did not make sense but heck.
Thongs, Shona, Janice, Tat & I forgot who else, HAHA I knew you all were behind me okay! Lalala, I'm psychic remember? :D I just didn't want to turn around & shock you people with my psychic powers so I just played along. Still call me lousy, tsk ah. D:
Okay, I'm freaking tired now. Lalala, bye world! :D

my soft, cuddly piglet! (:

2006-11-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

I don't get it. Why do you expect so much from me? Why do you have to set so many standards that I have to meet or be doomed for life? Why can't being me just be good enough for you? WHYWHYWHY? No, don't answer. I don't want to be hurt all over again. If you want it that way, fine. My life can't get any worse, or maybe it can, but whatever. I swore I never would again, & I plan on keep my promise. Please don't make me break it. I beg you to just stop, stop hurting me over and over again. I can take it, but not for much longer. I don't even know why I'm ranting here, this shows I have no friends. Oh yeah, I'm such a loner. I doubt they'd even care. Oh fuck, I'm hopeless. Truly am hopeless. Sometimes, okay maybe all the time, I ask myself what on earth am I living for? And sometimes, okay maybe all the time again, I can't even answer myself truthfully. Sometimes, whatever, it's all the time, I tell myself I'm living for my brother. But who am I kidding? Sure he's cute & I'd do anything for him, even die just to protect him but he's just not what I'm living for. Just him alone can't keep me sane. I'm a good-for-nothing. I'm no use to anyone at all. I'm worthless. I can't do without the whole world but the whole world can do just fine without me, maybe even better. Lalala, I'm such a loser, always have been one. I can't pull my grades up 'cause I just can't be bothered; I keep disappointing people 'cause I'm lousy like anything. I'm a bitch, oh yeah I am. I'm a fucking useless person whom everyone would be glad to be rid of. Okay I'm done. Am I okay? I don't know. Haha, God please stop playing such a cruel joke on me. It ain't funny no more. I'll always be that inferioruglyfatdepressingfake girl. Lalala, oh shut up pat.

2006-11-30T12:18:00.000+08:00

Remember the first day of school? Teachers being oh-so-nice, your parents assuring you that you'd learn lots of new stuff & make loads of new friends. But no one ever told you that as you grow older, your teachers would become big meanies & your friends would become bitchier. No one ever said that the stuff you learn would rarely be applied to your future life and the stuff that you don't learn is vital. (E.g. Do you ever use algebra to aid you in shopping for new clothes?) No one ever said that being a teenager would be this difficult & one would never be sure whether they'd survive their tennage years. No one ever said that the dreams of being oh-so-popular & pretty, with a great looking boyfriend were just a fantasy, a lovely daydream. If only all those sweet childhood crushes, innocent 'first kisses' & those childish 'I don't friend you!' lasted forever. If only schools taught you how to bear with depresson & heartbreaks, there wouldn't be that many teens committing suicides every hour of the day. If only we could turn back time & change things for the better, maybe all this pain wouldn't have been necessary.
I've been alot of things, but never yours; & I didn't want to fall in love, but then you came along.

Rainy days are nice :D It makes you want to curl up in a warm & cosy spot on the couch with a great storybook & maybe a cup of hot chocolate. And when you look out of the window, watching the raindrops fall, millions & billions of them, you start to daydream & think how your life was, is & will be. Rainy days make you reflect on how life can be oh-so-great or oh-so-terrible. Walking in the rain is super nice too :D ~~Just not in slippery slippers.~~ Haha, but yeah. I once read in a book that raindrops are angels' tears coming down to wash away our sins. If it were true, I'd be sin-free by now. Oh well, maybe it's just me. :D

I love you,
You love me.
We're a happy family.
With a great big hug
& a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too? (:

2006-11-29T16:14:00.000+08:00

Angels & Demons

dewi gave me my squishsquish today!
but dewi! how come it's WHITE? hahaha :D

clarissa is so dumbdumb! HAHAHA(:

Crazy beautiful says:
I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS A TRACK AND FIELD COACH

haiyo! lousy like anything!

It pains me to see you aching in pain that ain't rightfully yours. I might not understand the entire situation & nor do I understand how some people can change(or maybe they were being fake all along) in such a short time. I'm sorry for the times I just couldn't be bothered or felt it'd be easier for me to ignore you & whatever was going on in your life. I thought you had your own group of friends now & I had my own. I thought we could still be friends without being that close & stuff. I thought they were better friends than I could ever be. Now, I know my thinking was wrong though during those times, they brought you much more happiness than I could ever offer. Maybe if I never neglected you & your feelings, this might not have happened. Maybe if I was still as close to you as before, I could've prevented it. Maybes & Ifs don't help now I know. But I know no matter what happens, no matter how bad the situation can get, I'll always be on your side. I'll always be supporting you & be here just to listen to your rants. You'll always be my bestestest friend :D Walks to the farfarfar bus stop; Rantings about looney(HAHA); Results & whatsoever. I thank you for the lovely memories you've given me & let's make moremoremore okay? :D And yes, I still care! Let's forget all the sickening drama that has been going on for god knows how long & go wreck havoc around S'pore! Or maybe we should be nice & visit BLSN. She & her hothothot manager. Tsk ah. HAHA :D I love you plentyplenty!<3!

Oh & Janice Lee, if you ever read this. Thank you for yesterday night yes? :D You're oh-so-emo ah! But thank you for cheering me up &&& making me feel childish. You'll always be childish so stop trying to pass it to someone else. HAHA(: Lalala, singapore so will not sink please. :D

2006-11-28T12:17:00.000+08:00

Maybe - Secondhand Serenade

I'm currently looking for two groups of people:

1. people to SPONSER my shopping spree (:
2. people to come WITH me to shopshopshop :D

morning training tmr ):
I really can't get myself to wake up in the mornings!
unless I have serious determination and motivation.
BUT I'm receiving squishsquish from DEWI tmr! :D
mustmustmust wake up & get my fat ass to school.
lalalala,
orange seeds belong anywhere but my tummy ):
HAHAHA :D

And someday I promise I'd be gone

2006-11-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

You've got to learn to lie to make everyone happy;
& you're going to have to cry to make it on your own.

Sometimes I wish I was pretty,
it'd make things so much easier to bear.
Being ugly gets you nowhere. Like me.
No one cares 'cause you're ugly,
and you're not like your friends who are all oh-so-pretty & glam.
Beautiful disaster?
Try being an ugly disaster that no one bothers about for a day then we'll talk.
For a very long time, I wish I was thin.
I hate being the fattest and heaviest among my friends.
Do you have any idea how inferior I feel?
It's always me that can't be compared to others,
never the other way round.
You hate me 'cause I'm fat & ugly.
I hate myself more than you can imagine 'cause I live with it.
Every single day of my life.

Being inferior is my forte, so is being fat and ugly.
Being pretty and thin would be a miracle that would never happen to me.

2006-11-26T20:12:00.000+08:00

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Lest I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

It Ends Tonight by The All-American Rejects

2006-11-26T11:34:00.000+08:00

I live my life in the shadows of the things I try to hide.

Went out with Yunhui, Winy, Xinying, Dawn, Jiarong, Jason, Javin, Hongray, Bojie, Yiping, Mr Wong and his girlfriend. From Marina South we moved to Esplanade to feel the 'cool sea breeze' and look at the stars shining ever so brightly in the nightsky :D
Played Concentration, Passing the message around & Truth or Dare. Ooh lala; though there seemed to be something missing in this gathering, it was still funfunfun :D
"Taptap, 'Eh, don't slack ah!'" Ohmy, the dares the four guys make up are retardedly ridiculous but as funny as ever, if not funnier(:
Groupshot and Winy's 'official' farewell from all of us. Winy, we'll miss you as well and pleasepleaseplease keep in touch!
Yunhui, I think it was just ben&jerry's luh. Haha, tsk ah.

Maybe she just feels like she's never good enough. Not a good enough friend, not a good enough girl, not a good enough sister, daughter, student, athlete.And maybe she's just sick of trying. Maybe she's sick of crying.
Sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings. Sometimes it's easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so as to not let them get too close. Sometimes I'm scared, but when I act numb towards you, it doesnt mean I dont care. It means I care too much. Maybe if I were prettier, things would be so much easier. Sure, I might still be a disaster. But at least I would be a beautiful disaster, and not just an ugly one that no cares about.

2006-11-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Chloe,
Please don't be sad anymore. I know it's easier said than done. No matter how lonely & depressed you feel, never forget that I'm always here for you :D Only 8 numbers, a click on that green phone button and the ringing asking me to pick up. Even though you and Bonnie say I'm too young(I'm the oldest among us okay!) and innocent(haha, I agree with this :D) to know such stuff(what stuff?) but I can assure you I'm very mature for my age. Haha, really really! And I'm PSYCHIC too! Oh Chloe ah, you should stop trying to deny that one of your friends(ME) is really psychic :D Thank you for answering my question yesterday just 'cause I'm one of your goodgoodgood friends. I love you Chloe! <3
Love,
Pat.

P.S. I bet I'm a better listener than BonnieLimSuNi 'cause she's so naggy right? She's so gonna kill me now ): HAHA:D

2006-11-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

If you lied and told me you loved me,
I would believe you with all of my heart
'Cause I want it so badly to be true.

Haha, I think Casino Royale sucks. As in, seriously.
From the beginning till the end, I still didn't get the point of the movie. And it's not 'cause I'm dumb, maybe I am, BUT I can understand movies perfectly well except this one. Bang Bang Bang, Card Gambling, Almost-Impossible Death Defying Stunts & Sexual Activites. Oh and of course, MONEY. So? The ending was stupid and the cast weren't that hot either. In all, disappointing. And the company I had wasn't that great with the exception of Jaime(:
However, Step Up is definitely worth watching. Though I wouldn't consider the lead actor and actress as hothothot people, but it's damn nice. So I guess the good comes with the bad :D
Doralyn, so much for high jumpers outing yeah? Haha, at least half of them turned up(:
Ahh, I still can't believe I actually left my shoebag behind! So much for lecturing you for forgetting your wallet. ):

I think I'm in love, with everything we could be, not everything we are.

EDIT:

Ahem, while walking around Cineleisure with DoralynChanHuiMin today, we(okay, I) saw this piglet stuffed toy! It's super cute and cuddly! And, it's only $12.90 :D
Not that I'm trying to force anyone to buy it for me, but I'd definitely encourage you to do so(: I mean, come on. It's almost CHRISTMAS, a season for giving presents :D
And no, I'm not trying to hint anything. Hahaha, damn it, I can't lie for nuts. ):
Yes Tat, I'll lose 1-2kg per week(: Go determination! :D
pigletpigletpiglet <3

2006-11-23T13:29:00.002+08:00

Dear You,

I swear I'll never let anyone bully you again. I'm sorry when I couldn't do anything but look on silently while she did her best to make you scream & cry, in all, making your life miserable. I hate her, like you do, but I hate myself more for not being able to do anything. I was useless, all I could do was comfort you while you cried. Maybe this makes me just as bad as her, but I swear I'd never hurt you intentionally. You're the only person that makes life worthwhile. Without you, I don't know what I'd do.

Love,

Me.

2006-11-23T13:29:00.000+08:00

what I really really want for christmas!

1. a SPONSERED shopping spree! ;D
2. a giant-sized stuffed toy(:
3. that heart-shaped pendant at perlini's silver,
4. more more kodak photos with The Four : D
5. lalalala(:

i'll post the rest another day.
DORALYNCHANHUIMIN(:
there, hahaha.
i want/need JELLYBEANS ):

we won't talk ~~about problems~~ anymore.

2006-11-20T19:32:00.000+08:00

I just want to say I'm sorry,

sorry for never being good enough.

happy happy happy happy(:

oh fuck, who the hell am I kidding?

I can't stand living through each day, wondering which of it would be the end of them?

I can't stand looking at your face, into your eyes, anymore.

I can't stand being so tired when the day's barely started.

I can't stand everything anymore, I don't want to try either.

What's the point?

Then again, shut up pat.

2006-11-19T13:36:00.000+08:00

once upon a time,

I don't want!

royal order(:

god knows why I'm so random today.

We were strangers starting out on a journey,

now look where we are now(:

I'll love you, always.

2006-11-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by
and weeks rush on,
And before I know
it, a year is gone.
And I never see my
old friends face,
For life is a swift
and terrible race,
He knows I like him
just as well,
As in the days when
I rang his bell.
And he rang mine if,
we were younger then,
And now we are busy,
tired men.
Tired of playing a
foolish game,
Tired of trying to
make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes
and tomorrow goes,
And distance between
us grows and grows.
Around the corner!
yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram
sir" "Jim died today."
And that's what we
get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a
vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love or like
someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and
tell someone what they mean to you. Because when
you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most
importantly, stay
close to your friends and family, for they have
helped make you
the person that you are today.

2006-11-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

BARNEY IS A DINOSAUR FROM OUR IMAGINATION AND WHEN HE COMES HE'S WHAT WE CALL A DINOSAUR SENSATION!

I LOVE YOU,
YOU LOVE ME.
WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!
WITH A GREAT BIG HUG,
AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU,
WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO?

i love you(:

2006-11-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

The worst way to be is afraid; afraid that you will never get through this, afraid that you will never love someone else, afraid that someday you will really kill yourself, afraid that you will never be okay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder who would be at my funeral, if I really decide to take my life. My parents don't exactly care about me, and most of the time my friends just pretend to like me. Would I be all alone and dead? Yeah, I think so.
I don't get why people ask 'are you okay?' when they don't really mean it. 'Yes' is an easy way out but it gets tiring after awhile. In my mind, my answer would be 'Actually, no, I am not okay. I need to you to give me a hug. I need to be told that I am worth something.' but I'd never dare to. It is also easier to say that you are okay, 'cause the reasons for not being okay; let's just say that there are quite a few.

My life is just one huge nightmare.

2006-11-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

As soon as you're happy, there's always gonna be that one person to screw everything up.

Everything happens for a reason but the hard part is trying to figure out what the reason is. So don't be dumb and think what you're doing is for a reason but in actual fact, you have no fucking idea what that reason is. Don't use it as an excuse either, it doesn't work.
Oh, I hate you so. I swear my aunt's a psycho. Can't you tell we don't need you here? My brother's only two and a half, for god's sake! How could you threaten him like that? ~~fuckfuckfuck.~~
Sometimes I sit there in the dark, and think about my life. I think back to my past and piece everything together, sort of like solving a mystery. I just want to know how everything got so messed up. I wonder if you think about me from time to time, wishing that maybe you could go back and change things. Knowing how I felt about you, do you even care?
No matter how much I tell myself it is okay, I know that in the back of my mind, any moment now, something is going to ruin everything.

Maybe it will hurt a little less,
If I just pretend everything is okay.
Maybe it will completely disappear,
If I just laugh a little louder.
Maybe I will want to live again,
If I just struggle through one more day.
Maybe my pretended happiness will become real,
If I just believe that I will be okay with all my might.

haunting memories,

2006-11-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

when something good happens, something bad will follow closely behind.

oh dear,

yesterday I was really thinking of _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
sigh,
shut up me.

Have you ever thought that when you get proposed to by the one you love, who's the friend you'd call and tell?
If you were to move away, who's the friend that will always call you?
If you had a dance to go to and didn't have a date, who's the friend that you will call and see if they want to go with you?
If you ever get bored at night, who's the friend you'd talk to?
And when you die, among all the friends you have, who'll be at your funeral?

P.S. please give me your address so I can send you a x'mas card(:

2006-11-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

PATtricia's CHRISTMAS wantlist.

1. Jaime Seah

2. Jaime Seah

3. Jaime Seah

4. Jaime Seah

5. Jaime Seah

6. Jaime Seah

7. Jaime Seah

8. Jaime Seah

9. Jaime Seah

10. Jaime Seah

And that's for patricia.
AWWW.
gosh, i miss US for no reason.
this is bad):<

2006-11-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

so yeah,
you have no idea how much those words stung, how much those words hurt.
emo, depressed thoughts.
come on, pat. stop kidding yourself. you knew that it could never happen right?
All of a sudden I understand why people commit suicide. They feel the same kind of pain and blackness I'm feeling, and they have to rip it out because they can't stand it any longer. If that means they have to kill themselves, who cares? The pain is unbearable, and they have to get rid of it any way they can. It isn't one of those things I want to understand, but I don't have a choice. What's weird about it is that there is something comforting about knowing I can commit suicide. If everything becomes too hopeless, I have a way out.
an old post of mine, and I'm so feeling that now again.
argh, why am I so useless, dumb, fat, ugly, everything but just not good enough?
I hate you pat, I know I do.
But I can't remember since when,
the days full of joy and laughter were maybe just a fantasy, a dream.
Now, everything is just a nightmare.
And, worst of all, I bet it's my own fault, my own fate, my own destiny, my own doing.
I bet no one is even bothering, maybe you just can't understand.
Nevermind, I'm used to being alone, used to having to keep everything bottled up.
One day, I'll explode and cease to exist.
How I wish that day will come soon, tomorrow or maybe even today.

2006-11-12T14:57:00.000+08:00

PAT'S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST, (:

1.BETINASOH

2.BETINASOH

3.BETINASOH

4.BETINASOH

5.BETINASOH

6.BETINASOH

7.BETINASOH

8.BETINASOH

9.BETINASOH

10.BETINASOH

11.BETINASOH

AWE (:
hahaha, how cute!
: D

2006-11-12T12:57:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANICE leeleelee(:

and whoa, tuition was cancelled! : DD
I want the song love you lately by daniel powter.
anyone? pretty please(: with a cherry on top, haha yes tricia!
I shall change my blogskin today, I don't like clicking.
haha(:

I'll never be good enough for anyone.

2006-11-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

I just want someone to look forward to seeing me every day.

Hey dad,
look at me.
Think back and talk to me.
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
I can't pretend that I'm alright,
and you can't change me.

'Cause we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.

I try not to think
about the pain I feel inside.
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me,
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore.

And now I try hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright.

'Cause we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said,
Nothing's gonna make this right again.
Please don't turn your back up,
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand.

'Cause we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.

'Cause we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back.
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.

Perfect by Simple Plan.

2006-11-10T19:57:00.000+08:00

I tried not to do anything. I just prayed, hoped that someone could save me from myself. But now I realised, it will better without me. So shed your tears now and act like you cared then go back to your normal life. I really can't take this any longer.

No beauty ever could have come from me,

I'm a waste of breath, space and time.

I don't know why you're lying but I know myself well enough to know that I'll never be good enough for anyone or anything.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to do now. I shouldn't have told you. I really shouldn't have. Now, when I look into your eyes, all I see is distaste and disgust.

2006-11-07T12:17:00.000+08:00

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships.
The purpose of your life: showing love to other people
Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah
Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

SEE?
Careers for you to try: PSYCHIC, and so on.
i KNEW it was fated for me to be a psychic(:
but too bad, i'm gonna be an air stewardess then a TAITAI,
maybe I can be a taitai and a psychic : D

2006-11-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

They love who I pretend to be.
But, how do you love something that isn't real?

All of a sudden I understood why people commit suicide. They felt the same kind of pain and blackness I was feeling, and they had to rip it out because they couldn't stand it any longer. If that meant they had to kill themselves, who cared? The pain was unbearable, and they had to get rid of it any way they could.It wasn't one of those things I wanted to understand, but I didn't have a choice. What was weird about it was that there was something comforting about knowing I could commit suicide.If everything became too hopeless, I had a way out.

I refuse to shed my tears.

2006-11-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

10 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME [ plus 5 untruths, they made me lie : ( ]:

1. I like receiving letters, the ones that are sent through post(:
2. I'm BEAUTIFUL.
3. I'll grow up to be an air-stewardess and a taitai with BET(:
4. I can get ridiculously, retardedly random at times : D
5. My psychic - ness works only up to a certain time 1015(:
6. I'm TALL(:
7. I'm disgustingly F - A - T.
8. I'm afraid of heights ):
9. I smile 'cause I'm happy (:
10. I like reading.
11. I'm 167cm : D
12. I don't like 307 ):
13 I used to be a SUPERMODEL. whoa! : DD
14. I've got POWERFUL memory.
15. I was borned in AUSTRALIA(:

Hurting makes you think you're alone, that you need to be.

2006-11-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

HELLO PAT,
yes, we're gna AIR STEWARDESS ~ TAI TAIs (:
HAHAHA, i cant wait to have high tea with yer,
in 10 years time, or maybe EARLIER (:

: DDDD
pat,
I LOVE YER!
dont emo too much.
its bad for health <3

2006-11-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

HAHA. saw your blog jaime(:

1) HOW OLD DO YOU WISH YOU WERE? dead.

2) WHERE WERE YOU WHEN 911 HAPPENED? Can't remember but I wouldn't mind being one of the victims.

3) WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN VENDING MACHINES STEAL YOUR MONEY? just my luck.

4) DO YOU COUNT YOURSELF KIND? i don't know.

5) IF YOU HAD TO GET A TATTOO, WHERE WOULD IT BE? I'd never get one.

6) IF YOU COULD BE FLUENT IN ANY OTHER LANGUAGE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? English and maybe Jap.

7) DO YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBOURS? yeap.

8) WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER A VACATION? anywhere away from where I am now.

9) DO YOU FOLLOW YOUR HOROSCOPE? nope.

10) WOULD YOU MOVE FOR THE PERSON YOU LOVE? yeap.

11) ARE YOU TOUCHY FEELY? hmmm?

12) DO YOU BELIEVE THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT? I don't know(:

13) DREAM JOB? An air stewardess then become a TAI TAI(: [BET! together okay?: D]

14) FAVOURITE CHANNELS? I haven't been watching tv for a VERY long time.

15) FAVOURITE PLACE TO GO ON WEEKENDS? depends.

16) SHOWERS OR BATHS? nice long baths.

17) DO YOU PAINT YOUR NAILS? when i'm bored.

18) DO YOU TRUST PEOPLE EASILY? yes! that's my biggest problem.

19) WHAT ARE YOUR PHOBIAS? heights and the dark.

20) DO YOU WANT KIDS? i'm scared.

21) DO YOU KEEP A HANDWRITTEN JOURNAL? shut up.

22)WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT NOW? in a coffin.

23) WHO MAKES YOU FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY? what sort of feeling is that?

24) HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER? i don't know.

25) ARE YOU PARANOID? yeah.

26) ARE YOU IMPATIENT? yeah.

27) WHO CAN YOU RELATE TO? no idea.

28) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT INTERACTIAL COUPLES? i dont know, cause i dont know the meaning of it.

29) HAVE YOU BEEN BURNED BY LOVE? never been in love.

30) WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PICK UP LINE? don't know.

31) WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE? MY PHONE'S FOREVER ON SILENT.

32) WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT? thinking.

33) WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT ON YOUR CELLPHONE SAY? Oh wells then too bad for you.

34) WHOSE BED DID YOU SLEEP ON LAST NIGHT? MINE.

35) WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white.

36) MOST RECENT MOVIE YOU WATCHED? death note(:

37) NAME THREE THINGS YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES. wallet, phone and clothes/

38) WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR BED SHEETS? do you want me to check now? i'm friggin lazy.

39) HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU NOW? are you nuts. i'm BANKRRUPT thankyou.

40) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF THE CHICKEN? dieting.

41) WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TOWN/CITY? australia/sydney.

42) I CAN'T WAIT TILL.....? i don't know.

43) WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT? nothing.

44) DO YOU OWN A GUN? yeah I wish. then i'd be gone by now.

45) WHAT DO YOU PREFER TO DRINK IN THE MORNING? milo. tyanne! : D

46) WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE IN 10 YEARS TIME? at HIGH TEA with bet(:

47) LAST THING YOU ATE? errr.

48) WHAT SONGS DO YOU SING IN THE TOILET? i dont sing in the toilet.

49) LAST THING THAT MADE YOU LAUGH?

50) WORST INJURY YOU'VE EVER HAD? define injury. I've got loads of cuts, knees, arms and what nots.

51) DOES SOMEONE HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU? like anyone would ever like me.

52) WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE CANDY? mars bars?

53) WHAT SONG DO YOU WANT PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL? would anyone even bother?

54) FOUR RANDOM PEOPLE TO DO THIS: anyone who's bored.

everything I believed in has lied.

2006-11-02T21:06:00.000+08:00

sweet(:

L.O.V.E <3

Why didn't I deny everything?
I knew it was hopeless yet I went on with it.
Pat, you should learn to shut up.

2006-11-02T16:56:00.000+08:00

I try but I can't seem to get myself think of anything but you

since I'm bored,
I shall do this quiz from dewi(:

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU :

1 . Cried : yeap.
2. Worn jeans : nope.
3. Met someone : duh, since I went to school today ):
4 . Done laundry : nope.
5 . Went hungry : I need to diet(:
6 . Talked on the phone : nope. : D
7 . Said I love you : err, no.
8 . Do you believe in yourself : obviously not.
9 . Your friends : huh?
1o . Tooth fairy : nope.
11 . Destiny / Fate : yeap.
12 . Ghosts: yes!
13 . UFO : nope : D

FRIENDS AND LIFE :

14. Do you ever wished you had another name: yes.
15 . Do you like anyone: obviously! hahaha.
16 . Which one of your friends acts most like you: I'm UNIQUE not special like dewi! haha.
17 . When you cried the most who was there: (:
18 . What's the best feeling in the world: definitely NOT what I'm feeling now.
19 . What's the worst feeling in the world: definitely what I AM feeling now. haha(:
20 . What time is it now: 4.33pm : D

WHICH IS BETTER :

21 . Chocolate or vanilla : vanilla.
22 . Coke or pepsi : coke I guess, though it decreases stamina. ):
23 . Love or Lust : Love. lousy dewi doesn't know what lust is! haha!

YOUR PICK:

24 . Macs or KFC : Macs
25 . Single or group dates : yeah, depends(:
26 . Adidas or nike : Adidas.
27 . Lipton Tea or Nestea : I don't know. HAHA.
28. Cappucino or coffee : Coffee, though it doesn't help in keeping me awake.

DO YOU:

29 . Smoke: nope.
30. Curse : nope. HAHA, yeah right.
31 . Take a shower : yeap.
32 . Have a crush : nope.
33 . Think you've been in love : ahem, nope.
34 . Like school : yeap, but not the lessons.
35 . Want to get married : I don't know.
36 . Think you're a health freak : NOPE.

IN THE PAST MONTH

37 . Drank alcohol : nope.
38 . Gone to the mall : yeap.
39 . Been on stage : nope.
40 . Eaten sushi : obviously.
41 . Been dumped : nope.
42 . Gone skating : yeap and ice-skating too(:
43 . Dyed your hair : nope.
44 . CHANGE who you want to be? : yeap I guess.
45 . I LOVE : .
46 . I FEEL : terrible & sleepy : D
47 . I HIDE : somewhere that I'm not telling(:
48 . I MISS : sighh.
49 . I NEED : money! $$$
50.Seven people you would like them to do : JAIME and whoever wants to do it(:

HAHA, Dewi, I edited it! (:

2006-11-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

dewi made up MOST of that previous post.
: D

SENTOSA OUTING WITH 3/2(:
First[but the least, haha don't kill me please], I would like to thank charmaine chew xin ying for helping me clean up that 7-up : D
hahaha. I think she must be the most considerate singaporean ever.
"What if the ants come?" haha.
sentosa was FUN!
tantantan, swimswimswim and eateateat : D
ooh la la; class outing every tuesday(:

training today was a killer.
my legs somehow couldn't support me.
oh well, I'm a lousy tracker what.
JAIME & BET! tsk ah, make me malu myself ):

school till 15 nov,
how am I gonna survive?

2006-10-31T19:27:00.000+08:00

.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
ohmygosh
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
I AM OFFICIALLY RETARDED (:
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
hahahahahaha

.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!(:
dewi. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAH
dewi. says:
YOU TOO YOU TOO!
dewi. says:
you too RETARDED persin!
dewi. says:
person*
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
persin?
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
HAHAHAHAHA
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
PERSIN?
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
PER SIN
.PATRICIA ! We're all addicted to something that takes pain away; says:
LALALALAALLAA

awww. patricia in her non-emo times. (:

2006-10-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

all typed out in deep hatred. ):
this is not good for me,
and instead of losing 7kg, it shall be 8kg since I'm such a terrible person.

2006-10-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

I apologise if I'm offending you, but the person who created this quiz, his/her english is terrible.
I spent so long editing it. tsk ah ):

[x]You usually wear dark coloured shirts
[x]You always think that it is better to leave this world
[ ]You don't care about your physical appearance
[x]You always cry
[x]You don't have any inspirations
TOTAL: 4

[ ]You don't have time to make people laugh
[ ]You usually talk with God
[x]You always read your horoscope in your space
[x]You get low grades this past few days
[ ]The color of your space is black or emo
TOTAL: 2

[x]You always think that you're a fool
[x]You used to listen to senti songs
[x]It is better for you to be alone than to be with someone
[ ]You think that guys are two-timers
[ ]You love taz mania
[ ]You don't care about sports
TOTAL:3

[x]You always think that no one loves and cares about you
[x]You sometimes think that you don't want to love anymore
[x]You tried to commit suicide
[ ]You don't care about showbiz
[x]Sometimes, you realize that you are talking to yourself
TOTAL: 4

[ ]When you're taking a picture with yourself,you notice that you're not smiling
[x]You have many problems to solve
[x]You hate yourself alot. ALOT.
[ ]You hate people around you do my family members count?
[x]Sometimes, you blame yourself even though it's not your fault
TOTAL: 3

[ ]You think that rockerz are cool
[x]You've imagined yourself in hell
[ ]You used to watch horror movies rather than comedy movies
[x]You cry when you see that your parents are arguing
[x]You want to be in a dark place rather than a lighted place though i'm afraid of the dark.
[x]You like to surf on the internet rather than talk to your brothers/sisters duh.
[ ]You are willing to sacrifice yourself even for your mortal enemy
[x]You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the world or for someone you love
TOTAL: 4

Add all the totals then multiply by 3.

i'm 60% emotional.
I doubt it. Now I regret taking the quiz, the english made me so frustrated though my english isn't that good but still.
Oh well, chinese Os tmr. Just let me stay awake throughout the whole exam and I'll be happy(:

I'm too lazy to put any colour in and I don't see the point for this one.

2006-10-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

everything's just so fucked up,
need I say anymore?

sigh. what happened to all my non - emo days?
I'm trying so hard not to be emo.
Everytime I am, I tell myself, 'Shut up, pat!'
I have to stop thinking too much. Okay, that shall be my third goal.

my three goals for the december holidays:
1. lose at least 7kg.
2. study/revise.
3. stop thinking too much.

dull, black thoughts. oh, how contradicting ):

2006-10-28T10:55:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY MY TALLER ONE(:

if computers were made to be like human minds, where are our restart buttons?

2006-10-28T10:55:00.001+08:00

You told me that you'd be happy if I told you my problems;
You said no matter what, your impression of me will never change for the worse;
You would try to help me relieve my stress and what nots.
Look where we are now, where you are now.
I just don't understand, where did I go wrong?
I'm sorry for ever confiding in you, making you feel as though you couldn't do anything to help.
I'm sorry for ever making you angry or whatsoever.
But I'm not sorry for being your friend.

studying for chinese Os later(:

insecurity, please go away. ):
SHOO!

2006-10-27T12:20:00.000+08:00

HELLO PAT,
THE LOUSY.

th one who woke up late for training today!
OH MY, tsktsk.
: D

<3bet.

2006-10-27T10:53:00.001+08:00

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day
'Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stayed at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

La, la, la, la
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends forever.

going on to sec 4 is scary ):
we're all gonna seperate soon, a year can pass super fast.
take this year for example.
yesterday was already the last day of school for most people.
I hope my memories of everyone will never fade. (:

2006-10-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

hahaha.
today's my LUCKY day, right jaime?
and how could you post part of our conversation on your blog?
it's copyrighted! : D

oohlala; DEWI(:
always the psychic&telepathic twins : D
and i'm blogging!

didn't train today 'cause either my alarm didn't go off or I forgot to set it.
I can't remember ):
sorry tyanne! hahahaha.

HELLO DEWI! (:

2006-10-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

haha.
hello everyone! (:

i am pat.
and i shall read dewi's blog posts to be happy happy
and i SHALL be good, and study during my holidays.

2006-10-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt that your friends only ask you if you're okay 'cause they feel like it's their job or something? Have you ever wondered how many of the people who ask that actually mean it?

People ask me if I believe in forever and I can't help but laugh 'cause with the way my life is going, I don't even believe in tomorrow. And I'm nothing but a daughter hiding her depression; a sister making a good impression; a friend acting like she's fine; and a teenager pushing her tears aside.

It's so hard to move on with all the memories holding me back.

2006-10-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I knew today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Somedays I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you lookin' down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

If I had just one more day,
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

I'm so addicted to this song!
super super nice(:
WEWO anyone? haha : D

2006-10-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

WEWO CITY :D
<3!

2006-10-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

Go on and slap me.
I don't need you!
why can't you just leave me in peace?
why do you still have to ruin my life?
why can't you just get the fucking way out of my life?!
yeah, I so totally agree with you.
I did change, for the better or worse I don't know.
But I know one thing, I HATE YOU now.
You're no longer someone whom I trusted,
whom I loved and respected.
Now I hate you so much that it aches inside me,
I loathe you so much that I can't even stand looking at you for more than a second.
To me, you're no longer my ______.
Go on, stare at my tear-stained face and I hope you feel satisfied.
Don't be surprised when you find that I've completely vanished from your life,
or even better, lying on the floor, with both my wrists slit open and a pool of blood surrounding me.

2006-10-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm scared that no one will ever want to waste their love on me;
I guess I'm scared that I'll never be worth it.

You'd never guess a girl so happy on the outside is breaking down on the inside. A girl who laughs her head off everyday in school; you'd never guess she's covering up the million tears behind her smile.
So you really want to know why? Why I'm like this? I'll tell you why. It's because I cry myself to sleep every night,
because most of the time I feel worthless,
because just when I get something sweet, it goes sour,
because everything I do doesn't seem to be enough,
because I'm tired of waiting for something great to happen,
because I'll never be good enough.

It's better to laugh about nothing than cry about everything.

2006-10-21T20:07:00.000+08:00

Just because of cyber awareness I don't dare to post anymore pictures ):
Ohmygosh, something SUPER embarrassing happened when I went to shir's house yesterday.
I can't believe I actually ahem*. ):

you don't have to read the following, they are just my rantings and stuff. (:
oh and if you're gonna ask whether i'm okay,
yes, i am. : D

If you've ever been left alone with nothing to do but think, then maybe you'd know what I'm trying to say. It's like one minute you're fine, and the next minute, something happens that makes you think, and then you're totally empty. The only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel all alone, like you don't mean anything to anyone. All you want to do is to tell someone how you feel, but you don't want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. You don't want to smile or laugh, whine or argue, be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope that this feeling passes. Sometimes, it does. But it always seems to come back. You think that all your friends hate you and only talk to you because they feel bad for you. You think complete strangers judge you just because of how you look and the way you act, and when you think about how you're not as beautiful as the crowd that surrounds you, it makes you feel even worse. You just want to give up and stop being such a terrible person, always letting your friends down and being hopeless. You listen to what everyone else has to say, but you never tell them how you feel because that would mean revealing part of yourself, and you just can't do that, you can't let anyone really know you. And your opinion wouldn't really matter to them anyway. Sitting down and trying to get all your feelings out for the first time in your life would be completely overwhelming and unbearable.

Why is it that when you finally find someone worth living for, they always have to go?

2006-10-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

hello there pat!
(: yellow house's the best right?
haha, sorry i cant help but be random.

bet!<3
: D

2006-10-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

received pictures that we took at cheryl's house from tricia.
But feeling much too screwed to post any pictures today.
soon soon (:

inter-class dance competition tmr.
I'm gonna screw it up, as usual.

don't tell me you understand until you cry yourself to sleep every night; until you wish it would all just end.
don't tell me you understand until you know how it feels to always be people's second, third and fourth choice.

2006-10-18T20:38:00.000+08:00

& everytime I talk to you, I fall a little harder.

Don't you just hate the way your throat hurts from all the tears you're holding back?
That's exactly how I felt for the whole of today.
I tried so hard to hold it all back,
but after a few words with tyanne, I just couldn't hold it back any longer.
At least I didn't cry non-stop, it was only for little while(:
I'm such a failure. See? I know so stop telling me.

Boston - Augustana
Thank you jaime for being there(:

headaches and what nots ):

on a lighter note,
I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN FRONT FOR DANCE ):
I swear I'm gonna screw up everything.
as in, EVERYTHING.
oh well, can't be helped. It's what I am. A failure.

Faking smiles hurt worse than crying tears.

2006-10-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

MAJOR CAMWHORING SESSION IN SCHOOL : D

our FIRST attempt at a "heaven" picture : D

our not-so-heavenly-picture-yet-so-sweet (:

a super nice heaven picture <33

ooh la la;

sometimes school is just too much,
aline, pat, evil, shir & thongs(:

my TALLER one <3

during recess when we couldn't play basketball 'cause of the FRISBEE competition ):

shir, me & bet : D

my cardinal sin<3

me & lynette, the class chair.
whoa, I'm a model student(: look at my belt!

hello evil! (:

a picture with the 'loser' of the class : D
(please don't kill me kathleen! HAHA.)

i'm TALL (: ooh la la;

our eyes & my lovely fullscap<33

whoops! we're supposed to be discussing too! instead of camwhoring/ haha.

ME & ME (:

hello shir! <3

and I'm done posting most of the pictures!
thanks thanks (:

MORE soon.
hahahaha. the ones we took at cheryl's house : D

2006-10-16T20:12:00.003+08:00

Ohmygosh, got this somewhere from the net.

Super saddening huh?

My name is Sarah, I am but three
My eyes are swollen, I can not see
I must be stupid, I must be bad
What else could have made my daddy so mad?
I wish I weren't ugly, then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me
I can't speak at all, I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up all the day long
When I awake I'm alone, the house is dark, and my folks aren't home
When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, so maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight
Don't make a sound! I just heard a car
My daddy is back from Charlie's bar
I hear him curse, my name he calls
I press myself against the wall
I try and hide from his evil eyes, I'm so afraid now, I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping, he shouts ugly words;
He says it's my fault that he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more
I finally get free and run for the door
He's already locked it and I start to bawl
He takes me and throws me against the hard wall
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken
And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken
"I'm sorry" I scream but it's now much too late
His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain again and again
Oh please god, have mercy
Oh please let it end
An he finally stops and heads for the door
While I lay there motionless, sprawled out on the floor
My name is Sarah, I am but three
Tonight my daddy murdered me

I love you more now than when you started to read this sentence.

2006-10-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

Got back results for E. maths, Physics, English & Social Studies.
It was terrible, as usual. But I didn't cry.
Oh well, I just hope I won't retain. ):

At times when we're feeling down and out, we would like our friends to know. But when they that one question; "Are you okay?", we never fail to lie, "Yes, I'm fine." I just want someone to look into my pained eyes and say, "No, you're not." I guess my acting skills must be so great that everyone believes that I'm really okay. Since I can't and don't know how to put my troubles into words, I shall just continue to keep my mouth shut and go on pretending I'm fine with that fake smile and laughter of mine.

oh, shut up pat.

2006-10-15T19:53:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time,

I was a happy and optimistic little girl.

Once upon a time,

I was always kind and sweet to all.

Once upon a time,

the only cuts I had were from the playground.

Once upon a time,

I was okay.

yeah, once upon a time.

2006-10-15T19:53:00.000+08:00

went through the letters I've received over the years this afternoon.
it was like travelling through time.
the pain and the joy I've ever experienced all came back to me.

And this particular letter from this certain person never fails to make me cry.
You know, I thank that person for pointing out my mistakes and my failures.
Misunderstandings and maybe the way I do things can really ruin a friendship.
Don't apologise for not being my perfect friend. It makes me feel alot worse.

I've learned that time can heal your wounds, but the reminder of a scar will stay.

2006-10-15T13:45:00.000+08:00

The Way You Look At Me by Christian Bautista

No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up too
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes say everything without a single word

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

If I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock, make time stand still
'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

I don't know how or why I feel different in your eyes
All I know is it happens every time

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

The way you look at me

I am addicted to this song!
thank you clarissa for sending it to me(:
checking of papers tmr. oh, the horror ):
please don't let me breakdown and cry, at least till i get home.
let me be the person comforting others not the one being comforted.

2006-10-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

OHHH MY!
IM BLOGGING FOR PATRICIA!
OOOH. SHE TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO THIS.
WOW WEEEE!
:DDDD
C is for cookie!
Patricia loves the cookie song yes?
YES.
I LOVE PATRICIA!

-clarissa!

2006-10-14T16:20:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left. Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more. I hate the person I've become. I hate myself so I make it seem like I hate everything else, but me.

2006-10-14T15:41:00.000+08:00

yesterday's training was okay I guess.
inter-class dance competition now.
went back to school to rehearse.
oh wow. dolls(:

ooh la la; thank you jaime and bet for blogging for me<33

/bet. says:
i'd offer to be yer stress ball if yer like,
/bet. says:
and nvr forget, yer mean everything and more to me.
/bet. says:
(:
.PATRICIA ! The pain comes in drops of red; says:
my cardinal sin is so sweet(:
.PATRICIA ! The pain comes in drops of red; says:
hahaha
/bet. says:
(: i knw i am.
/bet. says:
HAHAHA.
/bet. says:
oh thanks you pats, you're sweeter.
/bet. says:
haha.
/bet. says:
the sweetest thing alive, 100% AND MORE pure cardinal sin!

I realized just how messed up and how cruel this world is when I saw the most incredible person I've ever met with tears in their eyes.

& I'll continue to smile, no matter how much hurt I'm feeling inside.

2006-10-14T13:22:00.000+08:00

jaime is bored and blogging NOT in her own blog.
so smart right.
oh wells, it'll save me from emoness for now.
i'm going to post in everyone's blog now, and i still have quite a long way to go.
ciao: D

AND BETINA.
why am i censored! HMPH. jingjing took one right!
must be/: haha.

2006-10-14T12:55:00.000+08:00

haha, this is the jaime is censored bar hangers picture! (:
HULLO HULLO PAT.

bet,xoxox.
/<333

2006-10-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of coming home where things will never be the same. I'm tired of trying and trying and trying but never succeeding. I'm tired of pretending all the time. I'm tired of smiling and laughing when I don't even feel any happiness in me. I'm tired of saying "I'm okay" to people who might not even mean what they're asking. I'm tired of crying to sleep every night. I'm tired of hiding my cuts. I'm tired of all this pain though the unnecessary physical hurt I'm inflicting on myself is my only escape. If I had one wish, I'd wish for all of this to end. Even if it meant my death. I'm sure that without me, the world would be a better place. I'm a good-for-nothing, a useless person who can't do anything right no matter how hard I try, an ugly and fat girl who can't stop dieting but yet never seems to get any thinner, a terrible teenager who makes everyone hate her just like she hates herself. And I'm left wishing that maybe I'd cut too deeply this time.

2006-10-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

MY HAPPY POST(:

actually I had already typed out everything on ice skating, World Trade Centre, Dinner Date and the movie marathon BUT blogger was screwed so i shan't bother now. another day perhaps.

I hate this world and I want to die. Can you tell by looking into my eyes? I sleep all day and cry all night, I just wish someone would take me from this life 'cause I'm not sure if I can take another night.
today was like any other day.
now we have a inter-class dance competition.
oh great.

LOVE;
PAT

2006-10-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

i love jaime and i think she's the psychic-est of allll!

2006-10-10T20:46:00.000+08:00

I CHANGED MY CHRISTMAS LIST.
ha, i just realised my DUMB mistake.

number one on my list is
BETINA SOH LU XIN.

i love bet alot.
: D

2006-10-10T18:59:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YER PAT PAT (:
& i'm psychicerrrr;
AGREEED?
<3!

2006-10-10T16:28:00.000+08:00

ooh la la;

new blog skin! : D

this goes to show how bored i am huh?

if you want me to link TAG!

since i'm quite free now(:

2006-10-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

'cause i'm nice and holidays are coming up,
in case you guys have nothing to do
i came up with a wish list for CHRISTMAS (:
ooh la la; you can just get one or two from the list.
HAHA : D

PAT'S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST

01. more ~~underwear~~ from TOPSHOP(:
02. what i've been wishing for every year but still don't get):
03. stuffed toys! preferably PIGLET : D
04. SECRET from tyanne choo sha wei (:
05. sponsers to go shopping with! haha.
06. ooh la la; that adidas jacket. YAY BET! : D
07. swimming lessons with shir!
08. oh oh, a new swimming costume for the lessons(:
09. the LLFL in SC to be delivered! : D
10. to be a better tracker):
11. to go on a crash diet and lose ALOT of weight(:
12. FAMOUS AMOS COOKIES(:
13. candy from candy empire (and get BEEPED at)
14. headbands
15. archie comics : DD haha.
16. earrings! ooh la la;
17. everything to be okay.
18. SHIRLYNN CHEONG [she made me lie):]
19. letters(:
20. new adidas bag : D

DISCLAIMER: if you don't have the time to get anything, money is also welcomed(:

[mygoodness, i did the disclaimer before i even finished the list! haha : D]

shir. lives to eat. ; if you want to see the rainbow, you got to see the rain first says:
SO CLEVER

hahaha. thanks thanks (:

2006-10-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

END OF EXAMS!
ohmygosh, like FINALLY.

went out with bet, jaime and jia her.
ooh la la; my cardinal sin and COMMAS,

poor bet had to sit beside jaime at mos.
COMMAS again.
tsk ah tsk.
sec 1s nowadays are terribly corrupted.
goodness.
what on earth are their parents teaching them?
whoops! sorry uncles and aunties.(:

went suntec, intending to go TOPSHOP( thank me for advertising : D )
and window shop.
netballers have LOUSY balance. tsk ah tsk.

bet can HURDLE *claps claps
hahahaha.

bought NICE underwear and bet became broke in the process : D
nevermind, you have ME as your sponser - er(:

ate ice cream and shilin chicken.
gained 260++kg ):

then we went to candy empire!
hahahaha.
while trying to be jay chou
and crossing the road SAFELY;
we got BEEPED at! : D
while JAIME was still stranded,
not daring to run over.
HAHA(:

CARDINAL SINS ARE THE BEST! : D

went down to somerset,
intending to walk to fareast to take a bus home
and lose weight while walking there.
saw steph and she came with us, following bet home.
POSTCARDS : D

jaime and i do NOT like pms - ing bus drivers ):
terrible terrible.

.PATRICIA ! suicide dreams and razorblade kisses; says:
TYANNE CHOO SHA WEI IS OFFICIALLY RETARDED
`tyanne we can make it. says:
NO
`tyanne we can make it. says:
hahaha
`tyanne we can make it. says:
what nonsense
`tyanne we can make it. says:
haha
`tyanne we can make it. says:
i nearly spelt it as nonsence
`tyanne we can make it. says:
haha

2006-10-07T21:45:00.000+08:00

another night spent crying myself to sleep. i don't know why i'm feeling so screwed up, i don't know why i'm crying for no reason at all, and i don't know why i just feel like going to sleep and never wake up again. i thought i would cut too deeply today; but yet it was another failure attempt. there's just something that's holding me back from saying how i really feel. maybe i'm afraid how people will think of me when i finally tell them what's really wrong. maybe i'm afraid of being despised, afraid of losing all my friends, afraid of being alone. call me a coward i don't care. it's what i am. imperfect and that's what i'll always be.

2006-10-07T15:01:00.000+08:00

I'm so frustrated. I'm shaking my feet. I can't sit still in this damn seat. I'm scratching my wrists and closing my eyes. I am trying to hold back my cries. But I can't take this stuff anymore. I want to have no pain like before. Give me the blade. I'll take them in front of my mother, it wouldn't even phase her. My mind is racing, it feels I need to do this. I needed to take away the pain, I miss this easy way. I need the marks, I need the fucking pain. But I can't and it makes me want to go insane. I'm a fucking screw-up, I shouldn't get off this way. I'm sad because of things I must have did, this isn't okay. My family hates me so I must have done something wrong. I lost so many people I love, how could I get along. I'm so unhappy and it's because of me. So I deserve this pain, it's something I can see. With every fight with my mother, and every time I cry, I want to hurt myself so badly to the point that - yeah - I would die.

I wish I could die, but be alive at my funeral.
Just to see who would be there,
Just to see who would actually cry.

2006-10-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

reply to my tags :

tyanne : hahaha. replied you long ago and no secret crush(: our nine more dates soon!

jiaher : err.. JIAHER? : D

charmaine : hahaha, thank you Sweetheart(:

dewi : thank you dewi! for helping me dilute[pardon me, I had chemistry yesterday] my tagboard of all the f*ing spammers : D oh oh, twins remember? we have a certain telepathy!

jaime : it's so cool! ohmygosh, i never knew. okay maybe i did but i was too young to understand my psychicness. : D

vanessa : hahahaha. okay, will link you SOON : D and take care too(:

bet : hello cardinal sin!(: haiyer, who's the disgusting one?

thongs : i hate spammers too! yucksyucksyucks. hahahaha. PATRICK(: i love you too my TALL - ER one : D

doralyn : high jumpers outing!(: ooh la la;

rachel : hahahaha. it's not my fault! : D

okay i'm done.
i'm so screwed for EOYs that i don't think i can ever unscrew myself.
oh well, what else do you expect from me?

2006-10-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's like one minute you're fine, and the next minute something happens that makes you think, and then you're totally empty. The only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel all alone, like you don't mean anything to anyone. All you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don't want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. You don't want to laugh or smile, or whine or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes. And sometimes it does. But it always seems to come back. This feeling is so overwhelming that you feel like vommiting everything out. I'm trying so hard to keep that penknife away, but I keep going back to it, everytime the scars fade away. And maybe, just maybe, I'll cut too deep this time. Numbness prevents your smiles from really reaching your eyes, it prevents you from the laughter that echoes through your stomach, it prevents you from feeling true happiness that floods through your body, but at the very least, it prevents from all this pain that eats your insides, bit by bit, till you're completely empty.
Imperfect. That's what you can call me. After all I am me, and don't fit a certain category. I'm just a girl who lives life day by day and always manages to put a smile on my face. Even if that day I'm a complete mess. I'm so damn confused about everything, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'll be able to choke back my tears any longer. But please let me have the strength to do so, to be able to till the weekends. Then at least no one will witness my breaking down. At least no one will feign sympathy and what-nots. At least I will still be able to carry off that fake happiness. At least I can still be what I've always been pretending to be.

2006-10-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

haha. i shall add retarded stuff to your blog okay?
cause it's all emo-ish now.

this is a chat between pat, nadia and i.
where nadia was chatting with pat at first using MY account.

this is CONFUSING - pat
okay - nadia
thank you! (: - nadia
hahahaha - pat
aye?
there's only me here
hahahahahaha
okay i shall shut up.
: D
HAHAHAHAHA! - DEWI!
heehee - mickey mouse
i want COOKIE- cookie monster
i ate them ALL - elmo
SOOOO. i eat faster -cookie monster
you can't have everything going right - eeyore
yes i can - piglet
i am powerful - piglet
i am the powerful - est! - winnie the pooh
yo whatsup pizza man - jake long
the sky - pat
where do you get your songs from? - nadia
the ocean - dewi
my friends - pat
hahahaha - pat
SLOW DEWI - pat
dewi is a slowpoke. as slow as a turtle - dewi
nadia is a poke -nadia
i agree - cinderella
eee. don't want to be your prince anymore. - prince CHARMING
i need tissue - dewi
i WILL be YOUR prince - beast from beauty and the beast
i'll lend you my handkerchief - minnie mouse
DON'T WANT - dewi
eee. you, my prince? you're so UGLY - cinderella
i WANT - donald duck's other half
aye! he's HANDSOME okay! - sleeping beauty
aye, no. i don't want already - donald duck's other other half
hahahahaha. you're all retarded - pat
no he isn't! talking bout the beast right? - snow white
yeah! super retarded like anything! - dewi

okay, the end.
and we were supposed to be studying. haha.

2006-10-01T15:19:00.000+08:00

Behind My Mask

As I Look In The Mirror

I See A Broken Soul

And A Heart Full Of Pain

And Scars On My Wrists

When You Look At Me

What Do You See

A Happy Child,

With A Smile On Her Face

These Are All Just Lies

To Hide The Truth

Cause No One Wants To See,

The Real Me

The One That Lays, Behind The Mask

Now Look At Me

I Lay Dead On The Floor

With Blood All Around Me

I'm Finally Free

2006-10-01T10:12:00.000+08:00

Why do I feel all alone in this world?

like I can't talk to anyone.

I feel as though nobody understands,

like nobody will ever actually get what I'm going through,

or the everyday pains that stab me over and over again.

To other people my problems seem little, not important,

maybe even dumb,

but to me those little things make my world come crashing down.

These problems shatter any happiness I may experience.

I can't keep my mind from wandering into this insane place

where I feel so alone.

I feel the need to talk,

I'm just afraid nobody understands me.

I guess I'm just feeling super emo today.

2006-09-30T11:29:00.001+08:00

The past is annoying; it always shows up. In everybody's words, in every song you hear, in every block you walk, and you never get rid of it, no matter how hard you try. I don't think you understand how hard it is when everything I do somehow makes me think of you. This is where I say I've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises, and I don't believe that I'm getting any better. I don't need this constant stabbing feeling in my chest whenever I think about you.
Nobody understands how much I miss you. Miss how we used to talk and miss all the things we used to do. I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel that way. Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day. I still think of you and I really do miss you. I would give everything I have to be everything that we're not. But the more you show your feelings, the more people can find ways to hurt you.

I know you're my friend when you say you'd take the pain so I wouldn't have to bear it alone, but I wouldn't let you, I wouldn't want anyone to feel what I've felt, you mean that much to me.

2006-09-30T11:29:00.000+08:00

this shall be my last post till after exams. i think.

I haven't started memorising anything at all.
I haven't practised my maths at all.
I don't understand a thing I'm doing.
I don't know what I should do.
It's like less than two days to EOYs.
Will I ever be prepared?

I smile because I have to, not because I want to. I laugh because I'm told to, not because I want to. I frown because I want to cry but try to keep it all inside. I wish I could just let it out but I can't, that's not what I'm all about. My feelings never show anymore because I don't want to them to. Every smile is a lie, every laugh is fake, all because I'm crying inside and don't want my tears to show.

2006-09-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

english exam was okay i guess.
i wasn't that tired for the composition since i went to bed at like EIGHT plus?
but tossed and turned till 9 or 10.
comprehension was okay too but when i got to summary,
i was so tired i went to sleep for awhile before continuing.
oh well.
didn't go for chemistry after school.
i'm planning to fail anyway so what's the use?

played basketball.
ooh la la; was venting my anger & frustrations by shooting three pointers.
one, MIRACULOUSLY, went in!
then janice came up and taught me how to shoot.
so after i found jaime's wallet and phone which she CLEVERLY put in my bag,
i went to try and IT WENT IN AGAIN! CLEAR SHOT TOO! : D
so cool so cool!
hahahaha.

i don't see any point of trying anymore.
i hope P will call.
i need to talk to someone badly.

2006-09-24T17:53:00.000+08:00

I BET PAT-RICK is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HONOURED, THAT JAIME. took THE TIME TO WRITE IN HER BLOG. AND SO PAT DECIDED TO GIVE JAIME A REALLY REALLY REALLY BIG BOTTLE OF DRINK! YEAH.

2006-09-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

QUOTES FOR ALL OF YOU : D

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people don't have film."

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

"A friend is someone who is there for you when she'd rather be anywhere else."

"Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like leaves, found everywhere."

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us."

"It's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but its really sad when the best of friends become two strangers."

"A friend is like sunlight, filtering into the quite corners of ones heart, offering bright new mornings and fresh hope yet demanding nothing in return."

"The greatest challenge in being a friend is not listening when words are spoken but hearing and feeling even though there is nothing but silence."

"The happiest person has three things, a bestfriend, a true love and a best friend who is their true love.

thank you(: